So last year after the office finale I wrote an essay on why I hated Karen.  This year will be about why I hated the finale.


Why I Hated "Goodbye, Toby"
By: Shannon Locke

The season finale of The Office was a disappointing end to the already shaky season 4.  In the past The Office has brought wonderful season finales leaving the audience pondering the future and squealing (or in my case crying) with joy.
I just can't fathom how we went from this...

To this...

to THIS!!!!!!


The season gave us many wonderful JAM moments. I jumped on my couch like a child when Pam pulled her Yaris around the building to pick up Jim who greeted her eagerly with a kiss.  A sleepover at a beet farm that gave us cuddling for a bed time story and two pushed together non-standard mattresses.  We learned just how hard things were for Jim while he tried to comfort a heartbroken Dwight.  And best of all, Jim did something he's never done...try.  He bought a ring a week after they started dating and promised Pam and all Jammers a kick-ass proposal.  When his talking head revealed his plan to propose that night, there in the office my face looked a lot like his...


We didn't get our proposal.  Something all of my friends expected.  But I was hopeful that the writers would throw us a bone just one time.  He didn't propose and Pam is sad...too sad.  And now we've got all summer to wonder if Greg Daniels is an evil sadist and doesn't want anyone to ever be happy...ever.

If that is the case you can all write to me in prison...or possibly the crazy house.

I wish I could stop laughing....I can't

The Landlord: starring Will Ferrel and introducing Pearl



baaah I love it

I quit literally LOLed at these...I wanted to share


nataliedee.com


nataliedee.com


nataliedee.com


nataliedee.com


marriedtothesea.com

This is a random entry...be prepared



- I realized earlier that I was in the hospital a year ago today....yikes

- Last night I was craving beer for some reason, and so I drank one...I thought I hated beer...guess not


I am so freakin stressed right now I can barely see straight.  You see I got a new job at Allen's Boots...(thats all I will say because It's very famous and someone might google search it and I might get in trouble)... I am a terrible salesperson...I seriously suck.  and I have like 8 jillion things to do and my desk is messy so i cant concentrate but I dont have any time to clean it and I think I might seriously EXPLODE!!!!

I'm just going to watch The Office awhile while I work on a project, since that seems to be the only thing that calms me...

Ok so this is the story of my night tonight

2:00am - original attempt for bed

2:01am - 3:30am - watch The Office in bed

3:31am - put computer away and attempt tp sleep...discover that I am very hot

3:33am - change pajamas

3:35am - try to sleep lower to the ground on roomie's bed...

3:36am - feel way too guilty, return to own bed

3:40am - decide underwear is best

3:45am - place wet towel on head in attempt to cool down

3:48am - place towel in freezer to cool more

3:55am - towel is colder, but still not helping me

4:00am - completely fed up, go outside in the 22 degree freezing sleet...feel refreshed

4:02am - still way too hot in room

4:20am - decide to take cold shower, dont bring a towel...drip dry

4:30am - although wet, room is still really hot

4:40am - going against dorm rules, open window...no breeze, completely pointless

4:45am - try once more to sleep

5:00am - give up completely, write journal entry about adventures


I hate hate hate hate hate that we cannot control the temperature of our own rooms....uuuugh

Ive finally fixed my stinking layout to something I can actually tolerate

Ive recently been getting back into LJ which is very nice, and I blame it all on ljsecret i'm completely obsessed...go check it out!
but a warning to those easily offended, some secrets contain cursing and nudity...dont read at work!

what's going on in my life? I should write something for when I look back on this later.  Lets see, my first college semester is finished, which is nice.  My grades suck hardcore, but i've definately learned my lesson for next semester.  College was a lot harder than I thought...yikes

Umm, JD and I's 2 year anniversary was 2 months ago today actually...he bought me a ring it's gorgeous...

see...lovely huh?

It doesnt mean anything like an engagement, so dont worry...but it is pretty...yay

hmm, we got a puppy a few months ago, her name is Riley...she is a labradoodle like this one...

but that's not her...she looks like that though.  she is stupid and my parents spoil her way too much...but i know it's just because I'm not around so they have to spoil someone right?

I need to paint my nails and go to sleep

night night fools

[PREFER TO BE CALLED]
>Babe or Baby: baby
>Sweetie or Honey: honey
>Darling or Dear: eew neither

[THIS-OR-THAT]
>hug or kiss: kiss
>white or black: white
>ground or sky: sky

[WHICH-ONE]
>kissing on the bed or kissing in the rain: I'll say bed, as romantic as it sounds, kissing in the rain is cold..and wet...and not that glamorous
>watching a scary movie or a funny one: funny
>holding hands or being held: being held
>held at the shoulders or held at the waist: waist, i guess..im a hand holder
>holding or being held: being held, but I like to be the big spoon sometimes...haha


A- AVAILABLE?: no

B- BEST SPORT?: baseball

C- CRUSH?: On the Take Home Chef...does that count?

D- DOGS NAME?: Riley

E- Easiest person(s) to talk to?: John David or Danielle or Laurie

F- FAV. COLOR?: I like shades of purple

G- GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS?: gummy bears...covered in chocolate....aaahhhh!!!

H- HOMETOWN?: Valencia, CA...but Austin is my home

I- INSTRUMENT?: guitar and im starting pinano

J- JUICE?: APPY!!

K- KIND OF MUSIC?: anything, I love Pujnabi Techno and 80's glam rock...so I mean I'm open

L- LONGEST CAR RIDE?: Texas to Cali...ugh

M- MILK FLAVOR?: it comes in flavors? Chocolate...oh yeah, thats a flavor

N- NUMBER OF SIBLINGS?: 1

O- ONE WISH?: I would like to be invisible...or be able to stop time!! that would be wicked

P- PHOBIA/FEARS?: Chucky, the dark, fish out of water, and a whole lot of dumb things

Q- FAV. QUOTE?: if we're being serious I dig, "It's never too late to be what you might have been" - George Eliot...but if were gonna be funny...prolly, "So I said to myself, Kyle..." - Eric Matthews

R- REASON TO SMILE?: I'm in love

S- SONG YOU LAST HEARD?: The Simpsons theme I guess

T- TIME YOU WOKE UP TODAY?: 9:15...yeah I skipped lecture, what you gon' do about it?

U- UNKNOWN FACTS ABOUT YOU? I'm very clumsy, I like to color in coloring books

V- VEGGIE YOU DONT LIKE?: Zuccinni

W- WORST HABIT?: procrastinating

X- X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD?: oh jeeze, hands (3x), knee, face...yes face

Y- YUMMY FOOD?: Macky Cheeeeee

Z- Zodiac Sign?: Aquarius

1. Do you like Chinese food?: I like white rice and egg drop soup...does that even count?

2. How big is your bed? home, Queen...school, icky twin

3. Is your room clean?: ahhhhahahahahahahaha

4. Laptop or Desktop computer? lappy

5. Favorite comedian? It was Dane Cook, then everyone stole him...prolly Mitch Hedberg...miss ya mitch

6. Do you smoke? no way

7. Does anyone like you? John David likes me...if someone else does...sweet...that means im pretty!! right?

8. What’s the sexiest thing about Condoleeza Rice? she has bad hair...that is sexy in its own way

10. Sleep with or without clothes on? with...but when the roomate is away, the other roomate will play! hahah

11. Who sleeps with you every night? Ralph (JD's stuffed dog) and Kiki (my blanket)

12. Do long distance relationships work? yes they do...I've got 2 years under my belt to prove it

13. How many times have you been pulled over by the police? Once, and I got a $50 ticket for running a stop sign...damn

14. Pancakes or French Toast? Pancakes

15. Do you like coffee? mmmmm yes

16. How do you like your eggs? Over hard, or scrambled w/cheese

17. Do you believe in astrology? haha no freakin way

18. Last person you talked to on the phone? The receptionist in the admissions office

19. Last person on your missed call list? John David

20. What was the last text message you received? a long one about airfare from Daniellypoo

21. McDonalds or Burger King? McDonalds please

22. Number of pillows? 2

24. Last thing you bought? dinner last night

25. What are you hearing right now? The telivision, and Rico splashing around

27. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich? grape

28. Can you play pool? no, I shoot left-handed...im not left-handed...thats how bad I am

29. Do you know how to swim? yes I do

3o. Favorite ice cream? Chocolate Peanut Butter from Baskin Robbins

31. Do you like maps? I cant fold them!!

32. Tell me a random fact: My hands are really cold

34. Ever attend a theme party? no! how boring

36. Craziest place you've slept after a night of drinking? umm...Laurie's floor? is that even weird?

37. What is your favorite season? It was winter, but now that it's cold I take it back

38. What is the first music video you ever saw? Like I remember?

39. Pick a movie quote: "You're a virgin, I think that's great...because...you dont have chlamydia...and that shit is everywhere"

41. What is your favorite hangout? my room

42. Song Playing at the moment? No song, just TV! we already covered this!

43.Last time you laughed at something stupid? today when I actually saw some of "Yo Mama"

45. Favorite possesion at the moment? the 23 diamonds set in white gold that are wrapped around my left ring finger....squeee

46. Best thing about winter? Christmas! duuuh!

47. What month is your birthday in? February

48. Do you think pirates are cool or overrated? Realy pirates were very bad and scary...pirate movies are cool

49. Favorite Day of the week? Friday

50. What are you doing this weekend? I dont freakin know!!

I really honestly don't know how i've slipped back to this point.

I was doing so well, seriously I was

Lauren's passing really shook me up I guess.  I have days where I don't get out of bed because I have no motivation to do anything.  I'm crying too much again.

I take medicine, they make me take medicine...why doesn't it work anymore?

I'd been having a really rouch week and it all just came to a head last night.  I was on JD's computer, checking my e-mail or something.  I was staring at his desktop of Jennifer Aniston and I looked over at him...he was furious over the UT game.  I just suddenly felt this overwhelming sense of sadness.  I hated everything, I hate Jennifer Aniston, I hated UT, I hated that he was watching football and not watching me...I just hated everything.  I excused myself to go take a bath...I didn't need a bath, but the bathroom was the only other room I could go.  I cried in the bathtub over absolutely nothing.  JD came in and asked me if i was ok, I insisted that I was...but I didn't want him to look at me.  I don't know why I was just ashamed...over nothing...ugh.  Then he turned off the game and said we could watch Junebug.  He asked me what the point of the movie was, more crying.  I went to go get a cookie, he said they were Eric's cookies...more crying.  He finally made me talk to him and I told him how I'd been feeling, about all the crying, the not getting out of bed, the being self-consious again.  About how much research I've been doing on plastic surgery.  I was telling him about how I hate college because I spend all my time by myself and he told me to stop being negative.  I didn't say anything and he just rolled over.  I couldnt take it anymore so I went and slept out in the living room.  JD came out to ask me to come back to bed twice but I shrugged him off.  I expected him to stay and fight me and make me come back, but he didnt.  So i got really really angry, I wasn't crying I was just mad.  I yelled at him and he offered to sleep in the living room, I told him not to so he didnt listen...then I started packing my stuff.  He came in and he was really upset and then I cried again.  We talked a long time and we made up...when we woke up this morning everything was fine again...

I'm really scared that I might be manic now...I dont want to be bipolar! I dont want anything else to be wrong with me!! I'm so freakin tired of being the "crazy girl"

I really just want to be okay.  I want to be able to look at a stranger and not think horrible things about them so I feel better about me.  I don't want to be saving up money for implants.  I don't want to cry over nothing.  I want to get up and go to class and not feel like I should be alone in my room instead.  I want to be able to socialize with other people.  I don't want to have fifteen doctors.  I'd like to get up in the morning and for once not take pills.  

I just feel trapped in a life I don't want

It really seriously blows

This weekend i decided to be social and go to a party

My car got towed


thats it. i quit.

I woke up a little while ago when my mom called to tell me the news

(I'm not trying to call attention and have people feel sorry for me, this is definately not my tragedy...I'm just trying to make sense, I don't have anyone to talk to now)

I've just never known anyone who was killed before.  Just grandparents who die of cancer and old age...not potential murder

I will never forget how amazing I felt when cooler, older Lauren called me, the dorky seventh grader with a crush on her little brother,  to go out to dinner at Chili's with her and Kera.  They talked to me like we were all great friends, then we went back to her house and watched Meet the Parents...She told us once she would always be there no matter what, anything you needed just call

I want so badly to hug Miss Barb right now...I just cant fathom the way her heart must be breaking


It's not hard to question God right now...

Why do these things happen?

College is really lonely...

Ive discovered today that I spend 89% of my days by myself. I feel left out when I hear people laughing down in the pool room, but I don't want to join them.

I don't have friends here, honestly I don't

I havent felt sad like this in like a year

It's hard, and now I want to curl up and go to bed

Ive been describing myself to people as a "creature of habit"...

for example,

- I eat Chicken Noodle O soup at least 5 times a week
- I eat the same thing at every restaurant
- I sleep on one side of my bed, and one side only
- I watch the same TV shows every night no matter what, and I dont stray to other channels

...and other things like that

Since Ive been here Ive been taking my showers in the same stall, the middle one on the left side. It has great water pressure and if by chance the curtain blows, since its the center, no one in the hall will see you nekked.

Well, tonight there was some shampoo and clothes in that stall...I figured someone had left them and I didnt want to shower in there. Because, if this person is at all like me, they would remember they left it, go to the bathroom, see that there is someone in there and go back to their room...forgetting about it all together and it would be picked up by the cleaning ladies in the afternoon and lost forever

So I went in another shower stall...

the water pressure was crappy, and to top it all off...the drain was clogged.

I didnt feel like packing up and moving so I just tried to be quick. There was about 4 inches of soapy water on the floor of the shower...My ID card is all wobbly and my shower tote is soaking wet and now making a puddle on my floor...


see people? I do things the same for a reason...

because I'm right.

Here I am, in my college dorm...

im a college student now.

Despite all my mother's tears and trips to Wal-Mart and moving most of my possessions into this tiny room, I still just feel like I'm at summer camp.

I just dont feel like I thought I would, I'm not sad...I'm not anything really. it's not like Carrie Underwood made it sound.

I am all alone in this new place, I havent even met my roomate yet...her stuff is here, but she isnt



...at least I have cable and my laptop to keep me company

I dont want to go to college

If my parents hadnt already spent so much money, I'd drop out


I just spent my date night with Laurie...with Laurie and 4 of her college friends


Why am I wasting my time at a school that doesnt appreciate my talent? Why go to a school where they put professional actors in shows instead of students?

Plus, I hate college kids. honest to gosh i HATE them. I hate the whole "its the best years of my life" mantra. I hate people who get wasted every night of the week...it really makes me crazy

I hate cliques...according to Lauries friend thats all that SEU is...I wanted out of high school for a reason

I just want to get married and be a mom...thats all




seriously, what the hell am I doing?

i dont even know when the last time i was on here was....hmmm

so whats happened to me lately...

1) I graduated, hooray
2) I got this sweet nanny gig
3) I broke my nose and my orbital bone on a trampoline at said nanny job
4) I got this sweet tat...

...my dad isnt talking to me, great :-/

hrm, i think thats all... im so very boring

today was really crappy

i have lost all hope in my generation.

when i got to school today there was graffiti all over the courtyard. not like cool colorful gang graffiti, stupid, poorly written immature graffiti...it actually said "vagina" outside of the science building. and it had specific teachers written with awful things pertaining to them.

so i was already upset when i got to Econ.

then Mr.Lindsay went on a 50 minute rant about how he doesnt want to care about us so much anymore because we dont appreciate his work or take school seriously. i almost started crying, because i really do appreciate him!

after school, danielle, laurie, and I went to go get him some appreciation gifts. we got him a drafthouse certificate, a gnome statue, which we drew dollar signs on and named "Frugal McDougal: the economic gnome", and then we made him a john stossel poster with interchangeable thought bubbles for his wall

when we brought them to him he seemed generally happy. he got all red when i sang him the frugal mcdougal theme song. and he laughed and gave us big hugs...it made me feel all warm inside


now im going to knit and watch 7th heaven...hooray!

it is the end of day 5, spring break 2006

i have officially done nothing at all


today i found 7 of JD's mom's diaries on the bookshelf in the loft.
so far, im on May 25, 1972. It's like a soap opera honestly. her two best friends, Ave and Angie are always fighting with her, or each other. there's like 5 guys after her, one shes had a crush on forever, a sophomore that she really connects with, but just cant be with him because of his age. and then theres mike, the really creepy married guy...she thinks he's gross. every page she thanks God for life, and tells him she's thankful to have it. it's kind of inspriring actually

and it got me thinking, she wrote in this thing every single day, not even huge detailed things, but i still know what's going on. i need to journal more. just in case in 34 years my son's girlfriend wants to read about me

so here is my day, Melanie Stepan age 17 style...


Today was blah.
Mom's cousin Natalie was in town, we had dinner
JD and I rented "Crash"
very good.
thank you for all the wonderful people in my life
I love you




...I wish I could have known her :(

Boyfriend Survey
Section 1
Whats his name?: John David
age?: 20 tomorrow
weight?: 170
height?: 5'10"
hair color?: brown
eye color?: blue
Section 2
Does he have glasses?: for driving
braces?: used to like 6 years ago
piercings?: no
tattoos?: maybe after next week
abs?: oh yes...glorious ones
chest hair?: no, he has a lovely bare chest
Section 3
Is he funny or serious?: both, mostly funny
outgoing or shy?: depends
buff or skinny?: uh, hello? almost amateur bodybuilder!
sarcastic or sencere?: depends
talkative or quiet?: depends
Section 5
Can he make you laugh?: yes
smile?: yes
cheer you up?: always
know when your upset?: even if i try to hide it
Does he hold your hand in public?: yes
play with your hair?: sometimes
Is he tickalish?: no
closterphobic?: hes not afraid of anything
have a disablity?: uh...no
Section 6
Does he swear a lot?: yeah
smoke?: uh uh
heavy drinker?: no, that would be wasting a workout
have a bad habit?: not that i can think of
Section 7
Does he play sports?: used to
what sports if so?: baseball
play an insrament?: guitar...kinda
write poetry?: haha no
get good grades?: for the most part
is he good with computers?: i dont know
play video games?: Tiger Woods...hes so good at that game
is he a good artist?: not an artist..no
does he snowboard?: no
skateboard?: no way
surf?: oh yeah....hes a pro surfer...hahaha
dance?: ...if only
sing?: he tries...hehe
Section 8
How long have you been together?: 1 year, 4 months
Do you love him?: very much
Where would he take you on a date?: anywhere i want
Woudl he buy you flowers?: hr does a lot..i love it
would he lay and watch the sunset?: ...why not?
watch the stars?: ...why not?
watch a chick flick with you?: he does...regretfully
make you dinner?: we like to make dinner together
would you watch his shows/or sports?: i watch basketball, and the braves, AND ut football...im awesome
would he choose you over his friends?: if hes going to the gym...hes totally allowed to
would he walk you to the door after a date?: better....he tucks me in bed
Section 9
Have you ever gone to the movies?: plenty of times
Dinner?: uh huh
A concert?: not yet
gone for a walk?: in the woods, down to the creek
gone dancing?: no...he doesnt dance
Section 10
When did you meet him?: RR vs. CP football game
Do you like his family?: I adore them
does his family like you?: i hope so...:-/
have you met his grandma?: haha yeah, oh Edie...she thinks i have a hot bod
does he have any pets?: no...poor Ernie
what do you like most about him or your relationship?: He's always gonna be there

...youre my favorite boy